It's Golden, Baby
Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 12:18PM 
Still smiling, 50 years later
The big day in 1960
Some events are so big, so noteworthy that they deserve not only a blog post but a column to commemorate the occasion. I am speaking, of course, of the major milestone reached by my parents this month - 50 years of marriage.
So here's the column I wrote in honor of their Golden Anniversary:
It’s June and that means brides everywhere are recovering from herniated discs from schlepping around bridal magazines that have the same gross weight as a Ford Fusion. They offer advice on every facet of your special day, even if it requires selling a kidney or two and channeling your inner-bridezilla to get it. While they do guide you through every detail to design the perfect setting for exchanging your I Dos, these publications noticeably lack information on that Happily Ever After part, which is infinitely more challenging than deciding between Amazon Roses or Calla Lilies.
I’m curious about what it takes to make it to that Till Death Do Us Part finish line. After marking twenty-two years of wedded bliss this month, I can offer this pearl of matrimonial wisdom: moving up the death part is not a good option even though some nights at 3 a.m. I’ve entertained the thought. While it’s true that 99.9% of the time, The Husband is an all-round great guy and my true soulmate. But when he snores, I want to kill him.
So for guidance I looked to my very own parents who will reach a major milestone this week – 50 years of marriage. But since less than 5% of couples will reach this landmark, I thought my folks might be the best source of information on the subject.
I decided to take this on as a little research project, to observe just what it takes to be able to spend a half-century together. Would the answer be eHarmony-like personality traits, shared interests or a sense of humor? Would it boil down to never forgetting a birthday or anniversary? Was it the liberal use of those two little words, “I’m sorry,” that are often so very hard to say?
On their most recent visit; I observed my parents with the objective detachment of a laboratory scientist. I watched how they interacted. I listened to their conversations. In one week of surreptitious surveillance, I determined the key to their lifetime together could indeed be boiled down to two words: hearing loss.
My dad’s been partially deaf since his Army days. Although he’s always had hearing aids, he found them annoying and turned them off most of the time. And now, as the parent of a teenager, I completely understand why Dad abandoned them altogether when I entered adolescence. So in fifty years, he’s been blissfully unaware of most of what Mom has ever said.
But now that Mom is a little hard of hearing too, their exchanges have gone to a bizarre new level. And it’s pretty clear to even the most casual observer that the conversations they think they are having are substantially more interesting than the ones that are taking place in reality.
They discussed food and sports: Mom: Can you believe that call by those referees? Dad: Yes, I’d love some cheese. They spoke of movies and the drive home. Dad: What did you think of that documentary on the Alamo? Mom: You’re right, that traffic was really stop-and-go. And then I heard the conversation that really put everything into perspective for me: Dad (laughing): What would you think if I got a tattoo? Mom (getting up to give him a peck on the cheek): Oh honey, I love you too.
Which, of course, really says it all.
Mom and Dad have helped me understand their secret to marital longevity. And thanks to them, I think I’ve discovered the two words that will help me make it to the fifty year mark with The Husband: ear plugs.
*On my recent visit home, Mom shared yet another one of their bizarre conversations with me. My dad said, "I can't believe Denise will be 50 this year." Mom apparently yelled, arguably so he could hear her, "It wasn't a shotgun wedding, Ronnie!" (and I didn't observe any firearms - or baby bump for that matter - in the wedding pictures). And Mom is correct, I'll be 49.
columns, milestones, the parental unit
Reader Comments (7)
thank you all for making the trip to louisville for this wonderful moment in our life. i hope you two can share the same experience one day. i love you guys and i already miss you. looking forward to seeing you soon.
dad
I'm so glad we could be there too, we had a blast. It was a perfect day and I enjoyed getting to meet all of my "extended" Kentucky family at the big shindig.
I know hearing loss is one of the secrets to your marital longevity - but I know the other one that you two share - laughter. Keep on laughing, Big Daddy! You all rock!
P.S. I really will be 49 - I have the birth certificate to prove it. xoxo
It has been 50 incredibily wonderful years! I wish every couple could experience the joy and happiness that I have had. (Even when I could hear it was still great!) It was all topped off with a fantastic party. It was pretty amazing having all the people I love under one roof for a few hours. The memories of the celebration will be a cherished treasure for the rest of my life.
How blessed I am to have the most loving husband, the most wonderful daughter, son-in-law and grandsons, and the most loving family of friends in the whole world. Thanks to all of you for being so dear and precious to me.
We are sorry to have gone to the celebration on Sunday, noone was there to great us. Hearing is not the only thing that goes when you reach the age of maturity. Denise it would have been nice to see you again and to meet your husband and children. My sister is 18 years older than I and she was there. What does that tell you. Oh well I am very happy for your Mom and Dad as they are great people. Hope and pray they will have many more celebrations ahead of them. Take care and maybe someday I wll get to see you and your family.
Wow, 50 years. What an amazing and special thing! Your parents obviously have a great sense of humor (which they passed on to you) that has gotten them through the years as well...Big congrats and best wishes to them :)
I'm not sure if you remember me--but my name is Vera Christie and we met at our local TOPS Club. You came with your Dad who was State King--of I believe--Indiana. Anyway, I just want to say that I definitely do enjoy your column in the Chronicle. You were just writing in one of their weekly edition's at that time.
Vera
Vera - Of course I remember you! Glad to hear from you. And if I'm reading the paper correctly, it looks like congrats are in order for your upcoming 50th celebration as well. Here's to many more!
Megan - Thanks - I will definitely say that their sense of humor comes in a strong second behind hearing loss in the success of their marriage.
Martha - I was so sorry that we missed you! We were worried about you because Mom said you had said you'd be there. Would have loved for you to meet The Husband and the kids. Maybe we can catch up next time - we'll all find something to celebrate!