Crashing

This has been an extremely crappy week regarding all things technology.

Logging into my computer, I noticed my background was different.  Then a pop-up announces - "Welcome to your new Dell!"

Beg pardon?

My computer thinks it is new.  I'm confused.  Apparently, so was my computer.

I ignore all this and head straight into my documents to get started on a draft column I've been writing.  Except my computer says This Folder Is Empty.

Excuse me?  This is not possible, I was working on it yesterday.  I have hundreds of documents.

Now curious, and ever-so slightly panicked, I click on Pictures. The computer says this folder is equally empty.

This is not good.   

Music? Gone.  Videos? Gone.  iTunes? Kaput. QuickBooks? Vanished.

Time to reboot, the computer's gone crazy.

After rebooting, which usually makes everything alright, I get a "Welcome To Your New Dell!" screen again.

It may not have been the Blue Screen of Death that I experienced when my laptop died a slow and painful death, but it was pretty close. 

Restore point! I'll go back in time and create my restore point to yesterday when I knew it worked.

Fail.  It won't let me.

My computer is possessed. 

I am not a happy camper.

Fortunately, I have everything backed up on my external hard drive.  Or at least I think I do.  But now that's a little wiggy too. 

Damn.

I am not a computer savvy person.  Everything computer related is by the seat of my pants and if I hit enough buttons I can make it work.  So I click on the C drive and notice it has the same amount of memory space used as usual, even though so much appears to be missing.  After clicking on lots of folders within that, I locate documents, pictures, music - miraculously - in a strange User folder.  I have no idea how I found it.  But it's there.  So I painstakingly save each and every individual document and picture folder as well as music.  It takes me the better part of the day but have to at least try before the Blue Screen of Death really does show up.

My poor computer is at the doctor now, hopefully getting debugged from all manner of Ebola-like infections. 

This isn't going to be cheap, I fear.

Then there's the other techno issue that I'm really cheesed about:  Older Boy's iPod touch went missing in the school locker room after track practice where he left it sitting on the bench.  In the twelve minutes it took for him to realize he'd left it and for me to drive back to school, it had vanished. I assumed it was picked up by a coach or a friend to give back to him.

Didn't happen.

To whomever took it: I hope you get a very itchy, oozing, leprosy-like, dermatological condition that causes severe disfigurement.  I also hope is not covered by insurance and it will take you years, if ever, to get over.  Don't forget about the laws of karma while you are listening to my kid's iPod.  You have just set in motion some very, very bad juju for yourself.  I hope you get everything that's coming to you which I personally hope includes jail time.  I used to be a prosecutor, my friend, so I'm big on jail time for those who steal other people's stuff.  And like Tom Petty, I Won't Back Down.  Oh yeah, good luck with that leprosy. 

Ban This

Fox and ABC found this commercial too racy and deemed it inappropriate to air. It is now banned: 

They pulled the commercial from its spot during Dancing With The Stars which I find ironic given some of the costumes that appear on that show.  And don't even get me started on the inappropriate story lines that they air on some of the shows.  But I also believe if you don't like what you see on a particular channel, your tv has an off button.  Use it.

What I'd really like them to explain is how the Lane Bryant commerical differs significantly from this one:

Oh right, the size 16 woman in the Lane Bryant ad has curves like the majority of us.  So it makes you wonder what all the fuss is about?  

It's not like I need any more reason to dislike the asshats over at Fox (okay, it's mainly Fox News that makes me grit my teeth).  And ABC, now you're on my list too. Get real people.

In fact, I'm sending them message.  Fox and ABC, listen up.  Until you change your ways, YOU are banned in my house because you simply don't get it.  I know they don't give a shit but it sure makes me feel better. 

Poison Pen Time

I am about to unleash my poison pen because I am FURIOUS.  And when I'm feeling that way, nothing makes me feel better than unleashing my wrath in a scathing letter to the person in charge telling them exactly what happened.  Actually, there is one thing that makes me feel even better than writing it.  Mailing it - certified mail, return receipt requested. 

This started from one of those things that could have been and should have been resolved simply, easily and courteously.  But from the start of my inquiry, I have been treated like I am being a pest.  In fact, I will go so far as to say I've gotten the sense of "just give her an answer, any answer, to shut her up and she'll go away."

Au contraire.

I'm not going anywhere.  Except over your head.

'Cause I'm feeling like Aretha, and I want some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Because I haven't been feeling the love.

What the soon-to-be receipient of my wrath fails to understand is that during the course of my legal career I got paid big bucks to write all manner of nastygrams.  And I kind of liked doing it.  In fact, one of my law bosses nicknamed me The Pit Bull because I was so good at it.  I'll let you figure out why.

So if you are the one on my naughty list, be afraid.  Be very afraid.  Because when I'm through with my pen, I've got some flying monkeys for you too.